How are you doing? I’m okay.
I’d like you all to take a moment and identify if you’ve ever in your life said “I’m okay” or “I’m fine” or “I’m good” and the truth was far from it? Welcome to the Tiny Liars Club, ladies. We are the worst. Okay, just kidding, we aren’t the worst. But I do think the memberships to the Tiny Liars Club is available in every season of life. Today, I’m sitting at my computer thinking so many different thoughts my head can barely hang on from the internal spinning. I put a call into my doc this am to see if “I’m okay” or if I’m finally starting to crack.
The truth is… I know a lot of you are not okay. A lot of you are in the same boat as me. Only in this boat, we’ve lost our paddles. Stuck up stream.. only to let the current take us wherever it may want. I wanted to hash out what might actually be behind the words of “I’m okay” for some of us today.
I’m okay. Could mean something like this…..
I’ve never been worse and I’m holding on by a thread.
I’m numb and don’t have any desire to dive into why with you in conversation.
I’m scared of the unknown future of my health or kids health.
I’ve been avoiding answering this question honestly… even to myself.
I’m overwhelmed by the magnitude of pain in which I feel today.
The real answer behind the “I’m okay” could be anything. I think “I’m okay” is overused and abused. It’s time to turn it around, folks. You know I scream for transparency, so here it is….
I’m not okay. And you know what? That’s okay. It’s okay to not always be okay. Can I give you some permission here? You have my permission to sit down for a minute and say to yourself, “Self, you are not okay… and here is why ________ “. Now, what isn’t okay is for us to not work towards being okay. But what are the steps you can do to change it? If you’ve seen my social media you know Jeff and I are on a Juice Plus journey and one of their hashtags applies to “not being okay”. #onesimplechange Each day, I think we require One simple change to get from not okay to okay.
Today, my one simple change was taking a break. One break and making an appointment to go get a massage. Oh, how deeply needed it is. Today, I made a plan. Today, I will make one simple change every day for the next month. We don’t have to stay in our state of “not okayness”. Let me encourage you to evaluate your “okay” level. Rock bottom? Just acknowledge that you aren’t okay today. That’s okay ;).
Spotify has become a best friend this last week. Mosaic is slaying my heart cry right now… Listen to this song…
*peace, bring it all to peace – the storms surrounding me – let it break at your name – still, call the sea to still – the rage in me to still – every wave at your name *
It’s not always “okay” but yet, it is. Friends, I’m praying that whatever you’ve lost, whatever you are desiring, whatever you are struggling to accept, that you would see the light at the end of the tunnel. The one that makes all of this okay. I know for me, during dark valleys, it seems like the storms surround me from every corner. Friendships, Family, Finances, Health.. you name it, hits at one time. You come up for air and get slammed again.
Last week Jeff and I were finishing up an amazing time in Hawaii. We went out snorkeling for the first time in my life. I was panicked. I’m serious you guys. I could barely get it together… the ocean + me… not so much. Do you remember Jaws? Yeah, well so does the scared 8 year old Jess. Let me just dive into the deep unknown and hope nothing eats me. You guys…. Isn’t that life? The dark abyss if you will? We can’t see the bottom… We don’t know what it holds… I was putting my mask on and stepping onto the last step of the ladder to get into the water. I took a deep breath and plunged my face in and opened my eyes. I was so overwhelmed. I did my best not to freak out and swallow water by the gallon. I was in the middle of the ocean at a crater snorkeling. Taking in the amazingness before my eyes, I slowed my breathing and looked back under the water. When I slowed my roll, I saw beautiful coral and these adorable fish going every which way. In that moment, God rushed an illustration over my thoughts. You would have missed this. That is when I realized how much was parallel to my life. I’m terrified of making a decision that might not have the outcome that I want. Whew. Y’all. I’m telling you, we can’t miss out on what God has for us because we are too scared to, in the famous words of Elsa, let it go.
If you’ve made it to the end of this blog thinking.. man I wish Jess could just get it together and move forward. I’m trying. One simple change a day. It’s going to take me time to bounce back from this loss friends. If you have a friend that is struggling may I be so bold as to give you some advice… Let them be and be with them. One simple change is how you can encourage them to move forward in their “so not okayness”.
Go on… Make that Darkness Tremble, Jesus. We are ready.