If you have been reading any of my blogs over the last 6 months, you know it has been a little rough around here. For a summary… Jeff and I were pretty excited to find out we were pregnant back in the fall. We’ve had miscarriages in the past so we are always a little hesitant on how excited we get at first. Sadly, this pregnancy ended with me having emergency surgery because the pregnancy was an ectopic one and I was bleeding internally. Lately, I’ve been using this blog to share my grief and thoughts. They aren’t all doom and gloom… But I do have a new thought that came from a great friend of mine.
I am very blessed to have some pretty amazing friends. Yes, all 347 of them. I don’t value friend #345 any less than friend #26. Kalyn, I have no idea what # you are but your words were a shifting point for me and you were used by God on that drive back to Florida.
Y’all. I’ve been depressed. It wasn’t very well hidden from those who know me. Functioning? Yes. But drowning in my own coping mechanisms (drug of choice? reading fiction novels until 3am) and not able to really find any motivation for anything. I don’t share that for anyone to have pity on me but just to shed a light for those who might be in that 4th stage of grief that need a little nudge. Every drive to Georgia was like a fresh breath of air. Every drive back to Florida was like an overwhelming storm. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me on these drives but I knew it wasn’t good. High emotions would roll in. I didn’t want to leave Florida… I LOVE our church and friends here. It was a rush of pain every drive back. Jeff was starting to really show concern for my emotional stability. Let’s be honest.. most husbands should be concerned for our emotional stability on a daily basis as women but in this case, I think he saw I was wrestling with something big on the inside. He gave me space to talk and cry. He wanted to know what he needed to do to help fix it. But Y’all, some things just can’t be fixed without Jesus now can they?
So here is where the question Kalyn asked me comes into play… and I think it is going to do something for you as well.
Do you think you are confusing a season of pain with a place of pain?
Bam. The waterworks flowed. Don’t miss this, loves. This doesn’t have to apply to only those who are currently in a season of grief. It can apply to past pain seasons. But holy cow, she was right. This season of pain that I have been in was slowly twisting itself into a place of pain. God doesn’t leave us in places of pain… Scripture gives us example after example of His people being delivered from places of pain. But.. seasons of pain, I’m not sure I can recount one single story about someone in the Bible that didn’t go through at least one season of pain. It was in that season that God, taught them something, revealed something to them. Open your grief-stricken heart and eyes friend to see what God is showing or teaching you. Remove the blinders. Push out of the dark hole that you’ve created. If you can’t do it alone… find a few friends who can come along side of you and lift you up. Or maybe you need them to cut a hole in a roof and bring you before Jesus. Be renewed.
“So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Just a reminder for you today of who God is … He is Jehovah Jireh- the God who provides. He is Jehovah Rapha- the God who heals. I love this one… He is Jehovah Roi – the God who sees. But here is a truth… He may not always provide the way you want Him to. He may not always heal the way you want Him to. He sees what you need… it may differ from what you want. Oh, and let’s ask God to help us with our mindset that this is a vending machine of requests that we are not so patiently waiting for what we ordered from Him. Mindsets need to shift. It’s not about us… it’s about Him. Let your place of pain go and realize that it is just a season of pain. It will pass. Focus on the horizon and what God can do with this pain to show His glory (in time).
As always… there is a song at the bottom for you to listen to as you reflect on anything God stirred up in your heart today. I’d love to hear from you and pray for you.